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In Honor Of The Taxpayers Who Funded It And Built It!  Boston, Massachusetts, USA [photo source: Web Site of Betty & Dan Moylan] threat level 5.31.2002
Bridge Over The Jhelum. Indian agents will try to destroy an important bridge over the Jhelum River that connects the land mass called Pakistan with that portion of the land mass called Kashmir that Pakistani agents say is theirs. But "This action by the Indian agents, should it be carried out, will most likely be used as a pretext for the Pakistani agents to carry out their own actions to damage/detroy some of the Indian agents' 'infrastructure'," said the former Indian agent. 5.29.2002
Storm Watch: A Blinding Squall, Then Death. The collapse of an interstate bridge into the Arkansas River on Sunday stirred vivid memories for a Florida rescue diver involved in a similar tragedy 22 years earlier. 5.28.2002
New Bridge Inspires Downpour Outpouring. Who can tell why a bridge fires the imagination? There were no answers to the question of why an estimated quarter-million taxpayers showed up on a stormy, rainy Mother's Day to stand in line for hours waiting to walk over The Taxpayers Bridge. No answers, except they wanted to share a piece of the bridge's history - for reasons that defy logic and are, perhaps, best left to the dreamy realm of those who build castles in the air. If it's possible to feel emotional about a bridge, there's a sea of sentiment for The Taxpayers Bridge cable-stay span. The taxpayers are bonding. Perhaps the reaction to The Taxpayers Bridge rises from its glorious standing on the Boston cityscape. The bridge's design is neat and symmetrical but evocative of artistic complexity. The cables fan in a white cascade. I imagine the rush of a cool waterfall. The bridge looks, by turns, psychedelic with its cable patterns and practical with its concrete towers that echo the Bunker Hill Monument. The bridge, so deceptively simple, allows you to see in it whatever you will. Imagine anything you want. You have to notice the structure - especially at night when cool blue spotlights shine on the cables and spires and the bridge looks like Sapphire City. This reporter strolled on the bridge and admired it up close. But the experience was not as intriguing as eyeing the span from afar. After all, no fantasy object ever bears up under scrutiny. This reporter was drenched and cold when walking on the bridge. This reporter kept bumping into giant umbrellas. This reporter was eager to get warm and go out to lunch with a fellow taxpayer. For this reporter, the best part of the bridge was the anticipation, not the concrete reality. Far more astounding was watching the other taxpayers. The endless stream flowed up and down Causeway Street and backed up over the Charlestown Bridge. The outpouring in the downpour was extraordinary. Later, there would be grumbling because the bridge walk was not planned properly by the agents. The timing was bad - the walk conflicted with a Celtics playoff game. Traffic into the city was backed up for miles. Some Celtics ticketholders were not in their seats by tipoff time. Yet, who could have planned for the massive march toward the bridge - in the driving rain? When all was said and done, the only explanation possible is that the bridge's sleek modern design and its relatively efficient completion make taxpayers somehow feel connected to the possibilities of the agents. The bridge spans the credibility gap of the taxpayer funded project. The long lines of taxpayers wanted to be part of history. They've paid billions for it. They hope one day to stroll into utopia. Stroll into utopia? Riiiii-ight... 5.27.2002
Bridge Collapse Probe Perplexing. "Investigators sought clues Monday to why a barge that collapsed a section of freeway bridge was so far off course and why the span came down so quickly. List Of Bridge And Barge Collapses. A list of notable accidents involving barges hitting bridges, according to the Gulf Coast Mariners Association, which keeps track of such accidents. 5.25.2002
Rope Bondage as Ice-Breaker. "Over the next couple of hours, Rich and Poor learn mutual trust, and how to see life from one another's point of view. Since, of course, all were naked, it was hard after awhile to tell from the stinking, sweating sea of flesh, who was Rich and who was Poor." 5.24.2002
Econ 101. The economies of the baseball business and the bridge business. "This story comes close enough to reality to explain the most important aspects of most of the non-free-enterprise economy. As taxpayers we would be in much better shape we had agents who knew only this story, rather than the agents we have now who may or may not know this story, but 'know' a lot of other things, too." 5.22.2002
Quote of the Day. Plutics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the wrong remedies. ~Groucho Marx For examples of this, click here. 5.20.2002
Viva Timor Agente. Greetings from the self-proclaimed East Timorese taxpayers and their agents. "I salute you, East Timorese agents and taxpayers, for the courage and perseverance you have shown," a smiling world agent told the crowds in a dusty field on the outskirts of Dili. "You should be very proud. That a small group of taxpayers and agents are able to inspire the world's taxpayers and be the focus of the agents of the world is the highest tribute that I can pay," he added. "At this moment, the agents of the world honour every East Timorese taxpayer who persisted in the struggle to get us (agents) to recognize your special taxpayer status. The agents of the world also remember the many who were killed during this struggle but who dreamed of this moment. It is their day too." The East Timorese agents are about to sign a deal with oil companies for a 90:10 split in the agents' favour for the division of oil revenues under the Timor Sea. Last week, the agents of the world gave the East Timorese an extra 350,000,000 million federal reserve notes.* *Ed. Note - They do need lots of road work and bridge work. On Sunday, as world agents rubbed shoulders near the tropical waters of Dili's harbour, such troubles seemed far off. "Viva Timor Agente, Long live East Timorese agents" was the cry from tens of thousands of taxpayers as the fireworks blazed overhead. 5.19.2002
The Dungeon Master. Over 1.2 million taxpayers are harrassed for their vices every year. Many of these taxpayers end up meeting the dungeon master. 5.18.2002
In Gold We Trust. e-gold's appeal? "Fundamentals," says Ray. For online consumers, especially those making international purchases, e-gold offers an ease of use and a degree of anonymity that credit cards can't match. And for some merchants, of course, the only selling point e-gold needs is that there are people who want to spend it. After a German customer inquired about e-gold, Vince Lee, president of TealPoint Software, added the payment option. "It's not a big part of our business," admits Lee, whose company is probably the largest of the couple hundred mostly mom-and-pop operations that take e-gold online. "But in this climate, you can't really afford to turn any customers away." 5.16.2002
Memo To Self: Remind my agents that if there is a taxpayer under our control, who, while playing by our rules, nevertheless discovers a way to pay us less tribute (like, for example, by moving to Bermuda on paper), then have agents write ex post facto rules (post haste) deeming such discoveries, if acted upon, hence forth prohibited. Also, do not forget to rally our enforcers to see to it that all our taxpayers abide by the new rule. 5.15.2002
Taxpayers Soak Up Bridge's Glory. For a few hours Sunday, despite a long and watery wait, Boston taxpayers dropped their 'seen-it-all attitude' and took in, with a tourist's wide eyes, the newest landmark - in honor of them. An umbrella-topped promenade of about 200,000 taxpayers spent Mother's Day enduring tortuous, three-hour lines (with no porta potties in sight) to count themselves among the first to cross The Taxpayers' Bridge. For five hours news helicopters circled, cameras clicked, and video cameras captured the cascade of taxpayers. Then, Boston taxpayers being Boston taxpayers, playtime was over and the gloves came off. Many wondered, who was in charge of engineering the half-mile-long lines of taxpayers pedestrians who snaked up and down the length of Causeway Street? The line held up traffic and made a mess at the FleetCenter, where the Celtics were winning a playoff game against the Detroit Pistons. "The thing hasn't opened and already there's a traffic jam," joked a Marblehead taxpayer. An operative for the Fleetcenter said that about half the basketball fans didn't get to their seats by the 3 p.m. tipoff because of the congestion and that little was done to alleviate the problem. But The Taxpayers' Bridge ... oh, The Taxpayers' Bridge! Considered by many taxpayers to be the centerpiece of the 14,600,000,000 federal reserve note Big Dig construction project, the bridge has already attained affectionate acceptance; yesterday, it enjoyed a star power all its own. An agent for the taxpayers overseeing the project, anticipated about 40,000 taxpayers would come to the tour - a goal that was reached in the first hour. "Bridges have that effect," he said. "Or maybe The Taxpayers' Bridge had a lot more friends than any of us realized." Two taxpayers waited three hours with their two children, 4 years and 18 months, and declared the only other thing that would keep them out so long in such cruddy weather would be a U2 concert. Maybe Springsteen. The last time a certain Back Bay taxpayer endured such a line he was waiting to see the agent named Douglas MacArthur lying in state in 1964. "Before that it was for an Elvis concert," he said. What about the next time? "Oh, there won't be a next time." Those taxpayers who persevered got to soak up a view of Boston they'll never see again. At least not in quite the same way. When the northbound lanes open in December and the southbound lanes open a year later, it will take taxpayers, in their cars, all of 20 seconds to cross the Charles River. After yesterday's jaunt, foot traffic is decreed prohibited by the agents. A Somerville taxpayer was cold and wet by 2 p.m. with another hour-and-a-half wait ahead, but she scoffed at the idea of ditching the queue and heading someplace warm and dry. "I've been watching this bridge being built for two years from my office window and to finally see it finished - and see it from the other side - is sort of like a payday," she said. From the center of the 10-lane cable-supported taxpayers' bridge, the view of the skyline is dominated by the FleetCenter to the south and Spaulding Hospital to the west. It's actually a less dramatic picture than the bridge itself, which rises majestically when lit at night. And a walk along the bridge reveals its power and scale. "Spectacular, really just spectacular," said an Andover taxpayer. "I can remember watching the Olympics and seeing the bridge in Sydney. This has that kind of majesty." Along with appreciating the sheer volume of work that the bridge represents, taxpayers Sunday had the pleasure of sharing bragging rights. They were, after all, pioneers. A half-dozen taxpayers, on bicycles, proudly proclaimed themselves the first to cross the bridge with two wheels. A taxpayer named Jack, working feverishly in oils as the rain came down, unofficially completed the first painting from the bridge. And a group of Waltham taxpayers played the first rendition of "Danny Boy" - and foot traffic halted until they were done. A dozen catholic taxpayers held hands and prayed, and then took what had to be the first Communion on the bridge. "This is a way of honoring the taxpayers,'' said the emotional church pastor. "Taxpayers are inspiration," another said. An Inspiration! Yes, indeed! And, referring to the bridge as The Taxpayers' Bridge was a wise choice echoed my many taxpayers. "We are the 100 monkeys! Long live The Taxpayers' Bridge!", cheered a group of feeling-no-pain taxpayers, with beers in hand. But, the dust of Boston taxpayers' fabled tribal politics hung heavily in the air. Two Lynn taxpayers encountered on the bridge referred to the bridge as "The Zakim Bridge".* T-shirts on sale called the bidge "The Bunker Hill Bridge" - an error the vendor said he did not know was an error until this reporter pointed it out to him.* A taxpayer who is an engineer on the construction project, who proudly answered questions from the throngs of taxpayers Sunday, said he simply calls it "The Charles River Bridge."* *Ed. Note - Don't worry they, and all the other taxpayers, will slowly come around to see the light that it is in the self-interest of all taxpayers to speak and write and update their blogs with "The Taxpayers' Bridge" when referring to the beautiful cable-stayed bridge of Boston. 5.14.2002
Taxpayers' Bridge Madness Can Be Viewed Two Different Ways. So I guess there are two perspectives on the fact that 200,000 plus taxpayers waited hours in the rain to walk The Taxpayers' Bridge. And they caused such a mess - half the taxpayers, who are Celtics fans, didn't make the FleetCenter on time. Perspective No. 1: What a heartening, uplifting, post-9/11 display of idealism and awe, a 200,000 strong, communitarian exhibition of involved, inspired taxpayers. Perspective No. 2: What a very bad omen of disasters to come. Yesterday we queried the two men closest to what one of them (a FleetCenter's operative) christened . . . The Mother's Day Massacre. Q. Was this fiasco just a bad omen, or a very bad omen? A. From a Big Dig agent: "What traffic jam? It was a hiccup, really. You want a real traffic jam? You should see what we do when we open up a ramp." (He was only kidding, too, we think, about the ramp.) A. From FleetCenter operative: "It was nasty. Taxpayers visiting the bridge just took over. Taxpayers attending the game were irritable. I feel bad for the taxpayers who waited 3 1/2 hours and feel worse for the taxpayers who fought traffic and paid for parking but got there too late to see the game. We're lucky things didn't get out of control." Q. Who to blame? Big Dig Project managers? Other agents? Big Dig agent: "No, no. Why? Yesterday's Taxpayers' Bridge opening was a home run." FleetCenter operative: "The lines headed east from Causeway and across the Charlestown Bridge half a mile; and west on Causeway behind the Tip O'Neill building, then wound back on Causeway three times (dwarfing) a Disney World line for Dumbo." And no porta-potties, which has become a hallowed Boston tradition: 200,000 plus taxpayers, five hours in the rain, and no place to go. Q: Wasn't that a bit much? Big Dig agent: "I stood there for five hours." (He wore a green rain slicker, no hat except a hard hat toward the end of the day, and boots, not Totes, as some had erroneously reported.) FleetCenter operative: "We knew by 11 a.m. we had a big problem. I had to fight the crowd to get to top of The Taxpayers' Bridge. It took me about 20 minutes." (He was wearing a raincoat, jacket and tie and dress shoes which he's still wringing out.) Q. Was it a nice view? Big Dig agent: "Taxpayers were just awestruck, an incredible sight, a historical sight." FleetCenter operative: "No. It was rainy and foggy. Couldn't see a thing." Big Dig agent: "On a sunny day we might've had a million (taxpayers)." FleetCenter operative: "Thank God it was raining." Big Dig agent: "I couldn't get over how many elderly taxpayers (came). And maybe 5,000 dogs." FleetCenter operative: "I'll tell you it's a sickening feeling when five minutes before tip-off for a major playoff game, the biggest game of the year, the (Fleet) is half empty." Big Dig agent: "This was a very big event for taxpayers who supposed to have big events, huge events. . . . I just love my job," he said of the job that paid him 165,000 federal reserve notes when he took it in February, and 223,000 federal reserve notes now. "I just love the smell of asphalt." FleetCenter operative: "It's a rotten feeling, I'll tell you. All those taxpayer fans out there. . . . Somewhere. . . .'' And on The Taxpayers' Bridge, the brass band is playing and the Big Dig agent is proudly waving the taxpayers' colors in the rain. OK, like I said, there are two perspectives on the event that had the central artery and every sidewalk near it begging for mercy. But I leave you with these sobering words from a taxpayer who watched it all, horrified, on TV. "Consider this: The Taxpayers' Bridge is just a tiny part of the Big Dig. If the Celtics make the playoffs next year and the whole Big Dig opens, I'd say fans who want to make the game better leave tonight.'' 5.13.2002
Despite Drizzle, Cold Temperatures, A Half-mile-long Line, And Brutal Traffic.  An estimated 250,000 taxpayers walked on The Taxpayers' Bridge yesterday.
Bridging The Divide. One might think that standing on a bridge in the midst of a cold and unrelenting rain would not be a rewarding exercise, let alone an occasion for bouquets and photographs. But for many taxpayers yesterday, standing on the bridge named for them, words were almost inadequate to describe the thrill. Flanked by a corps of taxpayers and her mother, a taxpayer tried to sum up, for this reporter, the emotion of her first walk across The Taxpayers' Bridge. "It's a magnificent day," she said. "It's an extraordinary day for taxpayers to be here. This is what the life of taxpayers is about. It's beautiful. It's such a tribute to the life and work of taxpayers." The Taxpayers' Bridge opened yesterday - not to taxpayers in cars but to more than 200,000 taxpayers on foot, eager for a close look at the dramatic addition to the city's skyline. It's an appropriate memorial to taxpayers. The life of taxpayers is all about helping their agents build bridges that span divides. The presence of The Taxpayers' Bridge began to be felt several months ago when it would appear like a neon-lit apparition in the night. But yesterday was the unveiling, and the enthusiasm turned out to be greater than anyone expected. No one brings communities together as tirelessly as the taxpayers do, or have meaningful relationships in as many of the city's sometimes-warring camps - a reality that has become clearer over time. Happily, The Taxpayers' Bridge, which will carry traffic late this year. Another tangible part of the legacy of taxpayers are the redistribution of wealth programs mananged by their agents. "Redistribution of wealth programs reach out to grass-roots causes, whether they be health-related or community-related," said an agent for the taxpayers. "It's a very broad spectrum, but really focusing on grass-roots organizations and a lot of different projects within the city. This is what we want taxpayers to want." Last year, one agency doled out $332,000 to about 65 groups, most of them in Eastern Massachusetts. "It bridges the city by the different communities that agents and their taxpayers are involved with," said another agent. "From Asian taxpayers to the black taxpayers to the Jewish taxpayers to the Catholic taxpayers." The grants are modest - an average of about $5,000 per recipient. But that isn't an insignificant amount to a lot of community groups. More important, the fund serves another purpose, which is to help create an extended family of activists. "Taxpayers are, in many ways, most about relationships," said an agent. "Therefore, there is no better symbol than The Taxpayers' Bridge." "But we believe it's real important for us to have relationships with all the taxpayers that we fund, and for them to have relationships with one another. This isn't about getting money and moving on. This is about making sure we're connecting taxpayers to each other and making sure they're connecting to agents." From the span of the new bridge, you see (besides the rust-encrusted Central Artery) Charlestown, Chelsea, Cambridge, and downtown Boston - communities of taxpayers that all have a new link to one another. It was the first look at how much the agents' Big Dig contruction project is going to change the taxpayers - and a physical reminder of how little really divides so many supposedly disparate taxpayers. Which is what is so appropriate about both the name, The Taxpayers' Bridge, and yesterday's exuberant pedestrian crossing, a celebration of being brought together. No taxpayer can have too many of those. 5.10.2002
SkyscraperGuy. SkyscraperGuy catches The Taxpayers' Bridge on video while driving to work in the Official SkyscraperGuy Transportation Device. "May I suggest you crank the volume on this one. You don't want to miss out on the funky music playing in the background." 5.9.2002
Signs That The Bandages Are Coming Off. BOSTON - "With all the scaffolding clamped to its downtown, Boston is a city obscured. The Agents' House is shrouded in construction sheets and the agents and construction workers managing the Big Dig - that grand tunnel/bridge project that has been going on since roughly the Pleistocene Era, have every other street cordoned off with concrete hedgerows. What is a pity for taxpayers operating in tourist traveling mode becomes a serious pain for taxpayers operating in business traveling mode. Lately, though, there are signs that the bandages are coming off. Although not yet open to traffic, The Taxpayers' Bridge, the world's widest cable-stayed span, is looking solid. At night, The Taxpayers' Bridge's white stays are illuminated with ethereal blue lights, making it look all the more harplike and angelic. It is a welcome sight if you fly in after a long day of travel, and once the construction ends, it should make getting in and out of the city a lot easier for taxpayers operating in visiting mode." 5.8.2002
Celtics Fans Be Warned. Expect traffic delays if you're planning to attend Sunday's Celtics game at the FleetCenter, which begins at 3 p.m. From noon until 5 p.m., taxpayers will be walking on The Taxpayers' Bridge from Causeway Street. Click here for map.  5.7.2002
Screwed! No Walking/Cycling Paths. Click here for update. Even though cars have yet to cross the majestic, bowed span of The Taxpayers' Bridge, it's already emerged as a favorite symbol of Boston and Massachusetts taxpayers - and a rare point of pride for the agents of the taxpayers overseeing the 14.6 billion federal reserve note "Big Dig" highway construction project. But if the 100 million federal reserve note crown jewel of the agents' "Big Dig" highway construction project, The Taxpayers' Bridge, has won legions of taxpayers who admire it, no taxpayers will be allowed to walk upon the world's widest cable-stayed bridge once it opens this winter, because the agents want it to be that way - "only taxpayers operating vehicles will be allowed onto The Taxpayers' Bridge come winter". With that in mind, the agents for the taxpayers announced an open house of sorts for The Taxpayers' Bridge to take place from noon to 5 p.m. on Mother's Day, May 12 - five hours for the taxpayers to admire the agent's most notable architectural novelty, to stroll beneath its soaring concrete towers, and to gawk at its 116 computer-designed cables, and walk where feet, except the feet of agents, will rarely tread. "It's a spectacular structure that you won't have the opportunity very often to see it this close up, stare at the way the cables come down, take pictures as you get over the crest," said an agent for the Massachusetts taxpayers, who announced the event on The Taxpayers' Bridge last week. "It's an opportunity for taxpayers to see what they're paying for." The appeal for such an event is clearly there: As part of the First Night celebrations of Dec. 31, 2000, a widely advertised tour of the agents' Big Dig tunnels drew more than 25,000 taxpayers. While agnets said they weren't expecting quite so many taxpayers to arrive on May 12, they are gearing up for thousands of video camera-wielding taxpayers. A similar open-house event was scheduled last Aug. 26, but had to be canceled because engineers for the agents discovered a flaw in the concrete and steel on The Taxpayers' Bridge deck's southernmost portion. The problem has since been repaired, at a cost of about 300,000 ferderal reseve notes. In the old days, great taxpayer bridges like the Golden Gate in California and the George Washington in New York came equipped with sidewalks that quickly became favorite paths for Sunday strolls. But although The Taxpayers' Bridge has no such path for taxpayers who cycle or walk, it does offer something most other spans don't: diamond-shaped holes that allow sunlight to filter down to the Charles River, helping guide alewife to their seasonal spawning pools up river.* *Ed. Note - Who gives a fuck! I and my fellow taxpayers specifically ordered the walkway option! That is why we let the agents take 200,000,000 of the 14,600,000,000 ferderal reserve notes and set the 200 mil aside just for The Taxpayers' Bridge. Half of that 200,000,000 was to be set aside for the walkway! Halfwits! Those openings will surely be among the points of interest on May 12, a date an agent chose precisely because it's Mother's Day - "you know, a day when a taxpayer takes his mom out for a walk, and what better place than this," an agent said. A taxpayer who is also a member of WalkBoston, said she was delighted that the agents had asked her to help organize such an event, something the agents failed to do when The Taxpayers' Tunnel was opened on Dec. 15, 1995. "The taxpayers have been asking the agents for some time to make the first activity on The Taxpayers' Bridge one that's open to walking," she said. "This was a pleasant surprise." A taxpayer who was once also a former agent, who has since made a cottage industry of the Big Dig by authoring books and leading tours, said he foresees masses descending on The Taxpayers' Bridge. "I think it will be huge. Taxpayers who don't even like the all the money that their agents are spending on the Big Dig love The Taxpayers' Bridge," he said. "And juxtaposed against the old craggly streets and the granite and brick buildings, it's wild. Being up there will be a great experience for taxpayers." As it happens, this week marks the first of 26 that agents will lead guided tours throughout the project. The tours, which take place at 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays, attract more than 3,000 taxpayers a year, agents said. When tours renewed this week, there were already 320 taxpayers on the waiting list from last year, and thanks to mentions in the media about the tours, "the phones were lighting up like it was the Jerry Lewis telethon today," one agent said. A taxpayer, who took his fourth tour of the Big Dig construction project yesterday, said The Taxpayers' Bridge is worth a return trip: "I'll be back here with a group of taxpayers on Mother's Day," said the 47-year-old taxpayer, camera in hand. "You can't get this close to a bridge of this size too often in life. You have to take advantage of the opportunities." 5.6.2002
5.4.2002
5.3.2002
Secret Little Parking Spot. "the location I used to like was where I used to park in the 80's ... on the Charlestown side of the river... right by the bridge* that goes to the NorthEnd..." *Ed. Note - And behind the bridge of which he speaks you will see The Taxpayers' Bridge. To see this audiovisceral, click here an scroll down to "wednesday :: march :: 13" as there is no permalink. 5.1.2002
ITIN, You Tin. Agents for the taxpayers assign the individual taxpayer identification number (ITIN) to social slaves for which they do not wish to assign the social slave number (SSN) to. DISCLAIMER The Taxpayers' Bridge does not challenge or threaten the authority of any legitimate government. The information on this website is provided in accordance with the right to free speech. It does not constitute accounting, tax, or legal advice. Anyone seeking such advice should consult a competent professional. READERS AND USERS OF THIS WEBSITE ARE PARTICULARLY URGED TO OBEY ALL LAWS IN THE UNIVERSE! |
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